Cooperative Communication

A Practical Path to Respectful Dialogue

What It Is

Cooperative Communication helps people speak truthfully and listen openly. It’s a step-by-step approach for anyone who wants to rebuild trust, resolve conflict, or communicate with calm respect.

Who It’s For

• Veterans learning to reconnect with family and community
• Couples wanting to communicate without fighting
• Teams and organizations working toward understanding
• Therapists and coaches supporting healthy dialogue

How It Works

A simple six-step guide to meaningful communication:

  1. Ask Permission
  2. Listen Without Judgment
  3. Share What You Feel and Think
  4. State What You Don’t Want
  5. State What You Do Want
  6. Appreciate

About the Initiative

Cooperative Communication was developed by Cooper Thompson, with contributions by Blain Bertrand and others committed to practical peace-building and trauma-informed dialogue.

Communication Tools for Couples

1. 10-Minute Check-In Ritual

A simple daily practice to stay connected. Ask: “Is now a good time to talk for 10 minutes?” If not, schedule within 24 hours.

2. Two Chairs Exercise

One person speaks, the other listens fully. The listener may only say: “I hear you.” or “Is there more?” Then switch roles.

3. I Feel / I Need Card

Fill in the blanks:
• I felt…
• I need…
Helps remove blame and focuses on needs.

4. Don’t Want / Do Want Clarity

Each partner writes two lists:
• What I don’t want…
• What I do want…
This creates shared direction.

5. Appreciation Exchange

Once per day, share one specific appreciation from the last 24 hours.

6. Before We Talk Agreement

Agree to honesty, listening, avoiding blame, taking breaks, and returning to finish the talk.

Start Your Communication Plan

This guide helps you prepare or practice a meaningful conversation using the Cooperative Communication method.

Step 1: Ask Permission

How will you open the conversation respectfully?

Step 2: Listen Without Judgment

Write how you plan to show genuine listening.

Step 3: Share What You Feel and Think

Complete this: “I felt... when...”

Step 4: State What You Don’t Want

Set boundaries. What are you trying to avoid?

Step 5: State What You Do Want

What positive outcome do you want to achieve?

Step 6: Appreciate

End strong. How can you show gratitude or respect?

Your Communication Plan & Feedback